I’m Moving to Germany!
In just a few short days Berlin, Germany will become home.
How will words ever be enough to convey this feeling inside of my heart right now? Nearly a lifetime of hopes and dreams and research and planning and never giving up has brought me here and I’m not sure the words I write will be able to capture what this means to me. But I will try, starting with a story.
In the summer of 2001, I hugged my parents goodbye outside my gate at Dulles Airport. It plays back in my mind in slow motion. There were smiles and laughs and an excited nervousness in the air. As I showed the attendant my boarding pass, I began my walk down the jet bridge, turning around once more, passport in hand, with one last wave and smile to my parents.
I was on my way to Europe and I was going to be okay.
At a young age, I was drawn to different countries and cultures. It was a curiosity that led me to watching foreign television shows, listening to international musicians and imported albums, and checking language books/tapes out from the library. I’ve always had a thirst for what else was out there.
Traveling to Europe at age 15 as a student ambassador was an important piece of my life puzzle. It was such a transformative time in my life. A time when, though I may not have realized it then, I started carving out my identity from the stone laid out before me. To be there in the midst of so much history and culture brought me to life at such a pivotal period of life.
I still remember the way it felt to hold British pence in the palm of my hand for the first time. The view from my window looking out over Salzburg in the morning. Conversations in Paris in very broken French. The cobblestone in Innsbruck passing underneath my feet. Walking through Rome barefoot until I could find sandals to replace mine that had broken. I remember the smiles of the German teenagers we met on a bridge in Venice. The sound of the Vienna Symphony and the taste of real Swiss chocolate in Lucerne.
There was one moment in particular when I knew in my heart I was going to live in Europe someday. We had just finished dinner at a cosy restaurant in town and were walking back to our guesthouse, perfectly nestled into the foot of the Alps. Stretched out before me on the path was the beautiful town of Obertauern, Austria. The bright blue sky, the lush green mountainside, the crisp air. It was an undeniable certainty I felt within me in that very moment. I was determined to one day find my way back to Europe.
Later that year, upon arriving home in the U.S. and immediately taking my 30 rolls(!) of film to be processed, I decided after three years of taking Spanish classes in school, it was time to start making some changes to align myself with the future I has envisioned. I dropped Spanish and began taking German instead. I remember being fascinated by everything I learned. About Germany, its history, its people, its food, its culture. And over the years, what I learned, along with what I had experienced in Europe stayed close to my heart.
As life took me down a series of different paths, the desire I had to move to Europe never left. Sometimes it was a quiet whisper and sometimes it would roar. And when it roared, I knew there was something there. I knew it was a dream, a vision of mine that I ought to pay attention to. But, like we often do when it comes to what we truly want most, I kept hushing that desire.
“Oh, please. That dream is too big. What are you thinking? How would that even be possible? That dream is too big. That dream is too big. That dream is too big!”
And so for a while, any time the thought of moving to Europe came up, I’d hold that thought in my heart for a moment, knowing it really did feel right and possible and then I’d let it go.
In 2010, I started the first of what would end up being 6 cross country moves across the U.S. I lived in four different states, three different time zones, and learned lessons about love, loss, and everything in between. In 2012, I suddenly lost my mom and since then, nothing has ever been the same. In the early morning hours when we lost her, something changed within me. I lost the most important person in my life but I gained the gift of seeing just how precious this life is.
That incredibly painful time in my life ended up bringing me home to myself. I saw myself and my life in a new light. It was that same wonder I felt there in Obertauren that flooded back into my life when I realized life didn’t have to look the way my 20s had programmed me to believe it did.
And so finally, after a couple more cross country moves and beginning my journey into entrepreneurship, I started to imagine the possibilities again. I got very clear on who I am. I spent an hour every morning at dawn, journaling and working on my lifestyle design board. Doing the work to find the clarity until finally one morning in 2015, as I was sitting in my living room in Alexandria, Virginia with a candle lit and my Classical Concentration playlist on, that undeniable certainty hit me again:
Move to Europe.
When my mom was alive, she and I would talk about visiting Scandinavia. I suppose that, along with recently finding out my heritage is 25% Scandinavian, is what drew me to learning more about Denmark and all things hygge (as many of you who’ve been here for a while already know.) I made a promise to myself that since it was too late for my mom and I to go together, I wouldn’t put it off. But it wasn’t just Denmark and Norway and Sweden and Finland, it was England, and Scotland, and Germany, and Estonia, and Poland and so on and so forth. And so there it was again, that idea:
Move to Europe.
2015 was when I got serious about my research. I had to find out if this would even be possible. Lots of Google searches and reading through Embassy websites about visas and quarantining animals. There were several different ways to go about it. It was possible. That’s all I needed to know.
Life took me on a bit of another detour. In 2016 through the beginning of 2018, living back out in San Diego for the second time, I had established a solid and intentional morning routine that I loved. I was in a really good place mentally and physically. I felt so in-tune and aligned with myself. And it was through staying committed to myself and my morning practice that I received the clarity and undeniable certainty that it was time to…
Move to Europe.
The research got more serious at that point because I knew I needed to decide where, specifically, in Europe I would move. I kept listening to my gut, working on my lifestyle design board, journaling about it, listening to music, and doing the research.
It was crystal clear to me. Berlin, Germany.
And so, the story begins. Over the course of the past few months, I have pared down everything I own, moved out of my San Diego apartment when my lease ended, driven across the U.S. one more time to D.C., sold my car, took care of Stella’s vaccinations and paperwork, booked flights, brushed up on my German (I’m very rusty), and signed a lease for a two room flat in a historically protected building in the center of it all.
“Why Berlin?” people ask.
And while I could list out the many reasons this capital city and all of its creativity, history, and diversity have drawn me to it over the years, I will simply say that it feels like the best place for me both personally and professionally. I plan to continue freelance writing, focusing on culture and the arts in both Berlin, all of Germany, and various other parts of Europe and the UK.
What about Stella?
Stella (my cat) is most definitely moving with me to Germany! Being sure Stella could enter into the destination country without being quarantined or riding in the cargo was one of the most important factors in choosing where to move. She will be with me the entire time in the cabin of the plane. Living in Germany will be an adjustment for us both but I’m so glad we have each other. Any outstanding vet recommendations in Berlin are much appreciated!
Am I scared?
No :) I can happily say that there has been the most reassuring sense of peace throughout this entire journey thus far. I’ve never felt such a secure feeling of trust in my heart that this is the right thing, the right path, for me. As my dear friend Amy recently said to me, “nothing but the beautifully unexpected lies ahead.” I have no idea what’s going to happen once I’m there and for once in my life, I’m completely confident and at ease in the not knowing.
Though I sometimes feel intimidated by the magnitude of what I’m about to do and the challenges that I’ll undoubtedly face, there’s that deep inner knowing that I’ll be okay and that every experience I encounter will be part of my life story. My life will be enriched by the people I’m about to meet, the stories I’m about to hear, the things I’m about to do and see and learn.
How long will I stay?
The Federal Republic of Germany is the only one who can determine that. A lot just depends on the bureaucracy and how smoothly everything goes in terms of receiving my visa. But at this point, my intentions are simple – to live in Berlin and travel throughout Europe. I read something from another expat @shoegirlberlin that really hit home for me: “I suppose I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s best to stay where it feels right, when it feels right, for as long as it makes you happy.”
I am incredibly grateful for the support and encouragement of my friends and loved ones over the past several months. As I’m sure you can imagine, moving to a new continent in a foreign-speaking country is overwhelming and at times, quite intimidating. There are many, many moving parts to consider and coordinate and having the support of so many incredible and gracious humans helped more than I can ever thank you for.
To my dear friend Ronja in Berlin, you have been an angel in helping me every step of the way – whether it was by answering my questions or simply telling me that everything is going to work out, I am so grateful to have you as a friend.
To my hometown of Springfield, Virginia and my parent’s amazing neighbors, I will miss you but I will never forget where I came from. Thank you for all of your encouragement and hugs over the years.
To my family and close family friends, thank you for seeing me and holding the space for me to go and live the life I’m most passionate about. Your encouraging love and support have helped me find the courage to be who I am today.
And to my dad, Mom will be with me. I just know it. Thank you for believing in me. I wouldn’t be the woman I am today if it weren’t for you, Dad. Your endless support has given me wings. For the way you and Mom raised me, I will be forever grateful. I will miss you so much!
When I went to Europe for the first time, I remember the joy, the adventure, and the not knowing. And now here I am, sitting at the kitchen table of my childhood home in the D.C. suburbs, just days away from the most thrilling adventure of my life. I am so ready. I go into this with my heart and my eyes and my ears open. Ready to experience everything that lies ahead. I will never be the same.
Here’s to the joy, the adventure, and the not knowing.
Los geht’s!
Feel free to follow my expat journey over on Instagram @ChelseaDinen and share this blog post with any of your friends who may be thinking of moving abroad!
You can catch up on all of my Europe blog posts here.
Love, Chelsea
